Dancing

Ah, Jackie…she fell in love with me all over again tonight. Not that she was out of love with me, but the dancing did it.

She wails all over the place that she hasn’t danced in 30 years, not since her best friend died. Apparently they danced every Friday and Saturday night for a long time, perhaps years. Then he had a heart attack and that phase of her life was over.

Now I’ve taught her the Texas Two-Step. She knew it before, and it’s coming back fast. I’ve still got to work on her balance – actually, on her trust, because her balance is fine. She will go out there in an underarm turn and will not go all the way around, then yank me to her in a desperate attempt not to lose her balance. Throws me off, too. Well, it’ll work. She’ll get to where she trusts me to lead and she’ll get to where she trusts herself to turn. Then it’ll be better. Just takes practice.

Tonight was the Elks Lodge dance. They have a live band (not like some of the places around here that have dead bands). Anyway, this group plays on the second and fourth Wensdy nights, each month. They’re good – REAL good. They can keep the beat, they sound good, they’ve got a sense of humor and they play for contributions. It’s free to get into the dance, so I just pony up $15 for us into their kitty.

I’m being grateful for money from the Universe – God – for gas money so we can go on drives in the Hill Country, and money for gas so we can go to dances in the area. Fredericksburg has dances all the time, it’s just a matter of finding out where they are and whether they allow smoking or not. Well, that and the matter of gas to get there. Then there are dances in other small communities around. Have to get a line on them, too.

A lot of people think nothing of driving into San Antonio to dance. But that’s way too much for me, not only for the late hour but also because of the gas money, wear and tear on the truck, and my meds load. I would be afraid of staying out late, then having to drive home through deer country. Darn critters are all over the place after dark. I don’t have a big steel bumper all over the front of my truck. I’m not gonna be jeopardizing my ride with a 110-pound deer at 60 miles an hour. That doe will make quite a huge indentation in the front of the vehicle, and if she’s bounding she’ll be high enough to come through the windshield. No way, Charlie Brown. No way. Don’t want no deer carcass in my chest.

So we can make do, quite well I believe, dancing around here. Once we’ve been to all the venues we’ll know where to go the next times. At least there are dances here. Good old Germans love to drink beer and dance. Good on them. Good for us.

Anyway: the whole time we were going around the floor, doing the two-step, Jackie was staring up at me with this huge luminous grin on her face. She was falling in love with me all over again. And she’d never fallen out of love with me. So she’s in twice as deep. Maybe now she’ll learn to trust me enough to let me lead, and to let herself dance lightly.

Of course, I’m still working on learning steps and moves and finesses. That’s not the easiest thing to do, leading. Gotta keep the beat, gotta plan out the moves, gotta watch out for the other flying dancers, gotta remember to hold her just right and signal my intentions with my hands, gotta pay attention to the music to be able to keep the beat (doesn’t do to daydream of lusty thoughts while going around the floor, even though that’s what dancing is supposed to do…). It’s hard work, leading, until you’ve done it so long it’s like second nature. Then you can have other thoughts while you’re doing it.

I sat there the few dances we sat out and looked at the other dancers. There are a few couples who are so highly polished they shine when they’re out there. Old married folks who’ve been dancing together for years and have worked out the routines so well they look like a machined pair. They move in such perfect unison.

Thank You, God, for a new pair of cowboy boots. Thank You for two new pair of glasses, thank You for money to go driving all over to get to dances, thank You for money…

Stop it. That’s thanking a God outside of me. I am following Walter Starcke’s book Homesick For Heaven and he talks about the God within. So I’m reframing my reference. Now I have to remember that I affirm that God is All There Is. And trust in the process. The Process. Life’s a process. So I may as well align myself with the Process and allow it to happen. That means there’ll be the money, there’ll be the gas, there’ll be the boots and the glasses and everything else, all in Divine Right Order.

Now I need to do all the prep work. I’m following the 12-Step program right now, to get myself aligned with the Divine Within Me. And I know it’ll all work out exactly right, at the right time, for all the right reasons. So I’m relaxing and letting it happen.

Okay, that’s taken care of. What I want right now is gas money so I can go driving all over the back roads of this marvelous Hill Country. I’ve gotten to the point where I sit in my apartment and stew, not going anywhere because it costs money. And I’m growing stagnant, not appreciating where I live because of my circumstances. Well, that’s got to change, and soon. Fall is here and the countryside will be changing to its Winter mantle. Gotta be there to see it, to see all the changes, to see all the trees and bushes and views. The little creeks and the byways. Got to get out there again.

Jackie loves to go for rides, too. She says she always loved going for rides but after a couple of bad experiences with low-life guys – drove her out into the country and told her to put out or get out – she stopped going. I don’t know where she found these guys but she certainly had a slew of them in her life.

But that’s over with now. She said, excitedly, that she was looking forward to going for rides. That’s perfect. I haven’t had an enthusiastic ride partner since Vi. Looks like it’s going to be a perfect life for us.

And that’s what I had to say tonight. I’m tired, I’m heading for bed.