Decompress

It’s 6 a.m. I’ve been up since 4 and have written out my daily prayer. I tend to write it out, then read it aloud. I feel better when I write. It seems like I’m closer to it.

I made tea this morning. Used my new microwave to heat the water. Yesterday, during the press to get the turkey out of the oven, carved, and packaged to carry over to the rec room for the big complex-wide Thanksgiving dinner at noon, the old microwave just up and died. Right in the middle of heating water for bouillon. Oh, well, made the bouillon anyway.

The dinner was a GREAT success. I have several pans of food left over that I’ll be dining on for days. The turkey we got was a Butterball and it absolutely fell apart when I went to pick it up out of the roasting pan. Of course, we used an oven bag, which probably contributed to its tenderness. Still, it was a GOOD turkey.

Jackie went ape shit fixing everything. She did dressing, gravy, my mashed potatoes, candied beets, sweet potatoes, a trifle (utterly scrumptious), and several other things. It was a tour de force for her. I was overwhelmed by it all and sagged out into the recliner several times.

The confrontation about the divorce went pretty well. She only flew off the handle at the first. Once I got angry and started yelling back at her, she seemed to listen. Still, I think she’s trying to plot to get me to recant.

I won’t. The whole relationship had deteriorated into a replay of the nineteen years with Sherry.

Now I’m ready to move on. I feel tons lighter, and want to get out of my rut. I want to stretch my legs, figure out who I AM, learn about sitting quietly and reading, meditating, just thinking. It’s been a real whizzer of a year so far, and I’d like to keep the rest of it upbeat.

Speaking of which, I feel like the rest of my life is going to be pretty nice. The visions I got last Monday night were, in no small way, truly awesome. I saw things I’d always craved, or at least wanted a lot. There were signs of stuff I didn’t even believe I could have.

No, I’m not going into details. I don’t remember the details, I was flying high again. The visions were cascading over me like Niagara Falls, and what I have left is the memory of the feelings. It was magnificent. I eventually had to take a lorazepam to be able to get to sleep.

Suffice it to say, I will have a relationship better than anything I’ve ever had, a life so superlative it would be hard for a reader to digest. I will grow, spiritually, far beyond anything I can describe. And I will be happy. Happy beyond words.

It was truly an evening of glorious visions. I’ve had these before, and they’ve always been prescient indicators of what was coming up. They were full of good feelings, good times. I was entranced.

I’m decompressing from the stress of Tuesday through Thursday. Last night, after telling Jackie it was over, I fell asleep almost instantly, but kept waking up on the hour. Another one of those nights. Still, I felt like I rested. I can always take a nap later.

Now it’s time to go…

It’s 6:35 a.m. Jackie just called. I let the machine pick it up. She saw my light on while she was walking her dog and offered to be my friend if I needed to talk. She knows I don’t get up early. Well, so be it. She’ll stop after a while, especially when I tell her not to call anymore.

And NOW it’s time to go meditate.



Later

I’m doing wash. May as well, get it out of the way. I have more to do now, since I put a fresh sheet on the massage table every time I do a treatment. But that’s a prosperity demonstration.

Today Jim came by and we went to lunch at a Mexican food place. Boy, do I miss that taste! Got a good helping today. We talked about his divorce and how he was doing with Susan and how HE was doing. Which is mostly what we talk about, anyway. But it’s no biggie, I’m glad to listen. Maybe it makes him feel like a brilliant conversationalist. I’m certainly no great shakes.

Anyway, after lunch we went back to his house and listened to some of his happy music – Dixieland jazz. He said it’s kept him from being morose for the past two and a half weeks. It IS happy music. I had to sit there and relax, let myself surrender to God, because I felt uptight. Don’t NEED to feel uptight, I’m in the company of my best bud. But I do. So I spent time surrendering. Calmed me down a lot.

Then we came over here and sat out on the front porch. It was chillier than expected, and uncomfortable. Still, we sat out there. I talked about my visions last Monday night and how the feeling was still there.

I asked him for a reading about whether I’d have a new relationship by the end of the year. He said no. That’s what I got, too. Feels more like next Spring. In the meantime I’m going dancing at the Elks every Wensdy night. Get some practice. Meet some people. Get out some.

So I get what I originally felt: I’ll be exploring my Aloneness for a while. And that will be GOOD for me. I need that.

I emailed to Pooh about this deal with Jackie and she wrote me back:

I am so impressed by how much you have grown. And I respect your ability to step away from Jackie. That takes a lot of confidence. I know it feels wonderful to finally be at a place in your life where you have such a clear, strong sense of who you are and what you need. It's empowering, isn't it? Welcome to life on this side, big brother. Welcome to Life.
I love you muchly, Pooh

Later

The wash is done, I’m dizzy and tired. I think I’m going to go sit in the recliner. Maybe nap some. For some reason I think I’m still feeling the aftermath of the divorce. Of course, that’s not over yet, won’t be until Tuesday afternoon. So we’ll see. I’m going to tell her I can’t take her down to the hospital Sunday night. That’s just too much for me.

Done and done. Recliner here I come.