Tired

I’ve written five pages in my daily prayer. I’m tired of thinking so hard, that I pray right. That involves phrasing one’s thought in the future, so that it’s gratitude. Today I spent the five pages simply Thanking God for all my blessings and good stuff. There’s a lot.

I’m tired from not sleeping as long as I usually do. Last night was Jim’s 63rd birthday and we went over to Susan’s. She had dinner for us. It was a wonderful evening of talking about all sorts of things. We didn’t leave until midnight. It was foggier’n London. Pea soup. I got home okay but I don’t know about Jim. He had to go down toward the river.

I’d wanted to go to HEB for tea but blew it off until today. This morning I almost slept in and missed the service. But after two cups of coffee I managed to get dressed and go. Glad I did, I needed to count the offering. Plus today was the Abundance Sunday and potluck dinner. I ate quite well. The jello salad was delicious.

Stopped by HEB grocery and got two boxes of tea: one of English Breakfast and one of English Tea Time. I love that stuff. Tastes great. They weren’t expensive. But the grapes were $2.79 a pound. That was a quick $6. Damn. Now I gotta go by the bank tomorrow and get some cash. Gotta call Jimmy and find out when it’s okay to get trash. Need to hit the P.O. Box, too.

Jackie’s still pushing the envelope. She isn’t giving me the time or space I need. I’m going to tell her that if she can’t respect my privacy and space I’m going to stop answering her calls and refusing to talk to her when she comes to the door. We’ll see what happens then. I still think she has to come to the conclusion that it’s up to her to give me space as well as my taking it.

I’m going on the assumption that she’s as interested in giving me space as I am in taking it. Or at least respecting it. If she proves that she’s NOT respecting my space, then I’ll lower the boom on her. Drop out of the whole gamut of things she’s got going around here. Let her tell everybody what’s happening.

It’s late. I’ve just finished with a thirty minute meditation for Jackie. I talked her through putting the mask on and sleeping deeper than she has in years. I talked her through being calm and peaceful when she lies down in that bed. I got her to indicate to me that she understood everything I said to her. She did pretty well. Now to see how she actually did.

I’m torn between wanting to be completely clear of her and wanting to at least be a neighbor. Looks like I’m going to have to drop completely out of the picture where she’s concerned. I don’t think she’ll let go the way I want. I told her I’d take her to the last 4T class next Tuesday, then I’m going to tell her it’s completely over and done. As Susan said tonight, God doesn’t bring new things until the door is completely closed. Then and only then does the new door open.

Well, I’ve got to figure out where the door is, and how hard I have to shut it. I want to at least be civil, but I may not have that choice. And if I don’t, if I must slap her down, then so be it. I need my privacy and space. I’ll get it. I WILL get it. I’m going to insist on it. She probably won’t like it, but that’s the way it’s going to happen.